so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she told me i tasted like america
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
