This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize