He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
