I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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