South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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