So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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