the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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