you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize