I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
