A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
