oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
