never play flip cup with pint glasses
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I DEMAND FORESKIN
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
