I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
