my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Enjoy the penises
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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