when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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