lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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