apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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