I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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