Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize