he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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