I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
