I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
