so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
