i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
