I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
