4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
