Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
