I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
