Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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