It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
