apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
