my soul wont recognize me after tonight
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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