so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
