Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize