Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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