Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
