Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
