what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
