He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
