the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
