god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
