didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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