how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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