Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
