I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
