I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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