dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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