I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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