Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
