This is not my ceiling
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
