I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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