I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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