Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize