god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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