Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
