My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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