i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize