Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
