Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
