her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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