he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
