You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
