god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My dick has a subreddit
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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