so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
