heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
