all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
