I wish they made helmets for livers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
