piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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