Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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