if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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