I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
