When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
