He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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