You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
