Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
