Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
