apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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