I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you still have your period?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
